he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
