and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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