A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
