I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
