please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
