I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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