I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
