I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
