i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
