I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I AM VODKA MAN
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
