Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
