So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
