Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
