Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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