I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
