I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
