Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
