I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
