is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
