Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
