I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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