I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I can't turn off my feet"
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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