oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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