he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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