I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
