Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize