is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
