I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
