he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
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