he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
