Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
that's an acceptable place to lick
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
