dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
