you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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