A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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