who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
