all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
