We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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