I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
