Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
40s are totally the cure
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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