Will you blow on my dice?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
