just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
