she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
