So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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