Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
