how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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