non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
