Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
