It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
