When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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