The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
