The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
