i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
