Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
