I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
