Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
