you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize