Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
