1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Randomize
