dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
