I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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