The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
