She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
