I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
