Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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