just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
