i barfeds in our rink
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
