My room smells like vodka and shame
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
