oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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