We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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