allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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